Women. Talented women. Beautiful women. Smart women. Plain women. Sophisticated women. Virtuous women. Strong women. Gentle women. The whole community of Homo sapiens will celebrate women on International Women’s Day on 8th of March. It is a man’s world they say, yet I have no qualms about being a woman, as we speak. I love being every inch of a woman-unapologetically, honourably, surefootedly. Womanhood is magnificent. Even more so, modern womanhood is puissant in nature because it is enabling, it is nurturing, it is beautifying. It the leading light of economic progress and alongside this, the stanchion of harmony and peace in our society.
Being a 21st century woman though is not all peaches and cream; we struggle with a lot of daunting challenges as we go about our daily lives. A tough nut to crack? Let’s draw you a picture!
1. The mental workload
The mental load, also referred to as the emotional labour is the total sum of responsibilities that women take on to manage ‘the remembering of things’. It is having to remember to pick up a bottle of Extra Virgin Olive Oil from the supermarket on the way back home from work, to book the 2nd medical appointment for the kid, to monitor the level of laundry detergent, to plan how the family will spend Easter Sunday, to ensure that the stove is cleaned and dinner is ready by 0730 PM and the list goes on. Even if you get someone to clean the stove, it is basically the woman delegating the task and vetting if it has actually been executed. It’s in broad outline project management. It is a permanent, invisible, exhausting job that rests on the shoulders of women. You might think that she needs help. Non. Non. She does not need help. What she needs is for the man to realise that both are equal managers in the family unit, to therefore step up and to assume equal responsibility of running the household. She needs the man to do chores without her having to ask him to do so. The mental workload is just too much for a woman to bear alone.
2. Toxic feminism
The feminist movement is usually broken up into three “waves.” The first wave pushed for political equality. The second wave, in the 1960s and 70s, championed for legal and professional equality. The third wave, in the past couple decades, has promoted social equality. The problem is that feminism is more than a philosophy or a group of beliefs. It is, now, also a political movement, a social identity, as well as a set of institutions. And institutions are always primarily interested in sustaining themselves first and engaging with the world as it is second. Those stalwart feminist activists of the 60s and 70s who were at protests and burning their bras, many of them moved into academia. They got degrees, wrote books, founded departments, held conferences, created political organizations, had fundraisers and started magazines. Pretty soon, feminism was no longer a cause for these people, it was their career. Their paychecks depended on there being patriarchy and oppression everywhere they looked. Their departments depended on it. Their professional careers and speaking fees depended on it. And so they found it. This pernicious brand of feminism is what I call toxic feminism. It gives intoxicated women an ideologically-lethal justification for annihilating all men for being men for their own private benefit. So, as a modern woman, today, we have to be able to discern our real advocates from the pretentious ones. That’s no small feat!
3. Taboos (Menstruation, virginity, infertility, sexuality)
I have been raised in a culture where I’m very comfortable phoning my younger brother, or any trusted member of the opposite sex for that matter, and asking him to buy me sanitary pads but there are daughters, mothers, wives and aunts who are shamed only because they are on their periods. There exist religious groups in India who in this day and age impose inhumane rules on women who are menstruating, barring them from entering the temple and the kitchen, or mingling with other people.
To make matters worse, in countries like Iran, Afghanistan and Indonesia, women undergo intensely dreadful, mortifying and traumatic virginity tests without their explicit consent.
If a young man has sexual relations with five girls, he is exploring his sexuality. If a young woman makes out with five men, she is extemporaneously labelled as a ‘slut’. If a man talks freely about his love life, he is a ‘real’ man. But we, women, are not encouraged to engage in healthy conversations regarding our own sexual needs and desires. With all due respect, we are supposed to be nuns. Sexy nuns?
4. Discriminatory laws against the welfare of women
Child marriage and forced marriage disproportionately affects females. Globally, 88% of countries set 18 as the minimum marriage age but 52% of countries allow girl children to marry with parental consent. Consequently, more than 650 million women alive at present around the world-one in five young women-were married as children. The elimination of child marriage by 2030 is a target under the Sustainable Development Goals by the United Nations, meanwhile it remains to be seen how they will address this mess in practical terms.
Anti-abortion laws are regressive, inequitable and unacceptable. We live in a world where we can go on holidays into space but in Alabama women do not have the right to bodily autonomy because they cannot abort a fetus growing inside of them, yes even in cases of rape! Ridiculous!
Come on, let’s call a spade a spade-the male guardianship system in Saudi Arabia is designed to treat the female gender as second-class citizens.
5. Objectification of women
Don’t get me started on this! Women are still primarily viewed as a physical object to be valued for its use by others. Research shows that this is likely to contribute to harmful mental and physical health problems (i.e., eating disorders, depression, low self-esteem, sexual dysfunction) when these women internalize this outsider view and begin to self-objectify by treating themselves as an object to be looked at and evaluated on the basis of appearance. It should come as no surprise that the number of cosmetic procedures: breast augmentation, liposuction, nose reshaping, eyelid surgery, gluteal implants are on an unprecedented rise.
Nevertheless, speaking from my heart, femininity is powerful. Ideal womanhood is a beautiful, synergistic blend of grace, compassion, love and patience. It is a most sacramental experience.
1. The Sacred Feminine
Grounded in spirituality, the divine feminine is an energy that has been with us since ancient times. Consciousness is divided up into the ‘masculine’ side and the ‘feminine’ side and, we need both to achieve our highest creative potential. The divine feminine is the aspect of the self associated with creation, intuition, community, sensuality and collaboration, regardless of one’s gender. Current literature indicates that women have higher emotional intelligence than men based on common ability tests such as MSCEIT and TIE which makes them better performers at positions of leadership and direction.
2. Childbirth Experiences
“We have a secret in our culture, and it’s not that birth is painful. It’s that women are strong.” Laira Stavoe
Nowadays, thanks to the avant-garde advancement in science and technology, the role of men in childbirth has become more participatory than it was in the past. However, there is so much more to labour and birth than contractions. It’s a maelstrom of emotion and sensation uniquely enjoyed by expectant mothers. From feeling the spirited kicks, zestful punches and sweet hiccups of their developing babies, to the pain their body endures during labour, women should be grateful for the life-giving power of the feminine.
3. Privileges in being a woman
Women don’t need to be empowered to “run the world”, they run it already. Women faithful to their femininity always have, and that since the day Eve made Adam eat the forbidden fruit. Modern chivalry manifests in situations where men buy dinners, drinks, jewellery and open the doors for women. So, if you are a woman, after everything, why should you deny yourself of such pamperings?
In addition, women do not face the societal pressure to be successful head-on as men do. Yes, they avail themselves of the luxury to make the choice between pursuing a professional career or simply marrying rich and retiring early. They can even do both, and nobody bats an eyelid.
In my crowning observations, I would like to mention that I am appreciative of who I embody, a woman–an empowered feminine woman. Most of us live in societies that support women to better themselves at all levels: financial, physical and emotional; and to lead fulfilling lives that seek to optimize our sense of well-being and completeness. At the same time, I acknowledge that there are universally ingrained, pharaonic barriers that impede our growth which sadly won’t be gone so easily. International Women’s Day is a gentle reminder that femininity itself is power. Female power sits in a woman’s hips, her heart and her womb. It is time we let go, we flow and we reclaim that power!
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